Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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