Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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