I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
porn star boner night. come get it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
