i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
