First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
