My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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