drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
