im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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