I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
