Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
