Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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