I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
try to milk me bitch
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