i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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