As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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