If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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