You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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