I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
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Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
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I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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