I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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