How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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