I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
