i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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