Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
