You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
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I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
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During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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