How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Brb crying the tears of my youth
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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