just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
