Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
