Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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