so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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