I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
