i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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