soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
