i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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