things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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