Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
