i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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