Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
