SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
