Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
