They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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