Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
