Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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