11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
wow bdsm is so cute
Never joke about your clitoris.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
