We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
