is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
