and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
