I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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