He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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