I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
