no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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