dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
