I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
