so that wasnt chicken after all
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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