Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
