I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
