I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
