I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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