I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
