At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
