OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
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We have so much sex to catch up on
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
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He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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