when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
