Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
