Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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