apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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