i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
