Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
